Monday, June 1, 2009

200 Posts, 30 days until I'm 30, and any other milestones I can think of...

I first had an age related crisis at age 9.

I had just finished reading everything by E. Nesbit that I could get my hands on, and I came away from her books with a strong impression that turning 10, and going into double digits was not only strongly significant, but almost magically so. I had a mental crisis of a surprising strength for a 9 year old, feeling that I was somehow saying goodbye to my childhood. By turning 10. I survived though. The Barbie dolls didn't vanish, I just added in a healthy dose of boy crazy. Really, life just got more entertaining after I turned 10.

Turning 13 was a big deal for me too. Mentally at least. Apparently some people take becoming a teenager very seriously. Once again, I thought I was saying goodbye to childhood forever. As it turned out I had great friends that were either still into being childish in harmless and wholesome ways themselves or were very tolerant of anything I felt like doing. I can honestly say that being a teenager was pretty great.

My next big crisis was at 19. It was My Last Year of Being a Teenager. And therefore I was now ancient and decrepit and would soon shrivel up and die and all the fun of being in my teens was gone and could never be recovered. But then I went through the rest of college, and then did crazy things like getting married right after I graduated. And it was pretty awesome too.

At 25 I had a crisis of looking around and realizing (or thinking this was the case anyway), that everyone around me had buckets of children and all I had was cats and hamsters and I wanted to be a mommeeeeeee and my life was going by, and in like one more month I would be too old to even HAVE children, and then where would I be? But then I turned 26 and had a baby and was so busy that I barely noticed turning 27 and 28 and another baby coming along, and turning 29 and....

Suddenly I'm almost 30.

Each time I've had a little freakout over what age I'm turning, it's pretty much consisted of high drama, pouting, foot stomping and a healthy dose of hysteria, all over the course of a day or two. So far I don't have a good list of things to be upset over because I'm turning 30, but I'm sure I'll work up something in the next 30 days (maybe impending wrinkles and gray hair?). I'm sure everything will go well in my 30s, just like has always happened before, and I'll be having the same pangs of regret over that decade in another 10 years. I do feel like it's a big wall or marker of some sort. Either an ending point, although why that would be I don't know, or a marker that no one will acknowledge but me and I'll be both glad and really cranky about that at the same time. I've always thought that birthdays should really be about celebrating the birthday person. There should be one day out of the year when everything goes YOUR way because its YOUR day, and I like to think that should happen on your birthday. So I kind of want fireworks and hoopla because I'M TURNING 30! On the 30th! It's my Golden Birthday and therefore worth all kinds of excitement! Not gifts, acknowledgment!

But then on the other hand, I'm turning 30. And am therefore old and decrepit and my life is passing before my eyes and...


1 comment:

Sprite's Keeper said...

Hey, hey! The thirties are actually kinda cool! Besides, they're the new 20's anyway, so technically you're going back a decade. No worries!