*sniff*...*sniff*...*SOB*

So, today is a happy day, really. Really. I promise.

Lilli is two!

She's technically been two all day, having made her grand entrance at the ungodly hour of 4:44am, and so far she seems to have mixed feelings about it. We're having my parents over for a family party on Saturday, so today has mostly consisted of lots of rounds of the Happy Birthday song, and we took her out for ice cream. Which was fun. She's definitely enjoyed those parts, so I wasn't quite sure what to think when she had a poor reaction to the song I was singing her, about turning two, while I was putting her into her pajamas. Even though it mostly consisted of me singing the word "two" to Leeann Rimes (spelling? I don't feel like googling her at the moment) song "Blue", complete with yodels, it didn't seem to be the actual song she didn't like. It seemed to be the age. She's a little young for her first depression over getting older, even though she does take after me. But even though, for the last 9 or 10 months, she would answer all queries about her age with the response "I'm two!", tonight, when she can finally say that truthfully, she kept saying "Not two, one! I'm one! NOT TWO!" So I don't know what that's about.

She's not the only one with mixed feeling though. Of course I'm having a hard time with it. You couldn't expect me to react any other way. So even though I'm thrilled with all the cool stuff she can do, and I love to see her grow and learn new things, I'm a little melancholy because I have no more baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. *sniff* When Elizabeth turned two I took it quite well because I had a bobbly little two month old to distract me. Even though she was a bruiser at that age, at least Lilli was relatively tiny and cuddly.

Well, I don't have a bobbly baby this time around, and no plans in the near future to get one. So I'm a little disgruntled. But I'm happy that Lilli's growing so well. But I'm sad because she doesn't like to cuddle for very long at bedtime any more and today she took her DADDY'S hand instead of mine at the ice cream place (ess chem pace, in Lilli-speak). But I'm happy at how smart she is and how hard she tries to do what her big sister does, and that she succeeds quite well most of the time...

Argh. I'm a mood swingy mess tonight. I think I'll go sneak in her room and sit in her rocker for a while and stare at her like a stalker mama while she sleeps. She's still in a crib, so at least she kind of looks like a baby when she's sleeping if I squint a little.

*sigh*

Happy birthday, Lilli, you'll always be my baby.